Devin loved swimming. A powerful attraction drew her to the ocean which she couldn’t resist. The sea had become her companion and like a jealous lover demanded all her time.
The riptide struck and sucked her into the depths. The waves rolling above pulled one way, while the rip current below, pulled her in the opposite direction. Devin kicked hard, finally breaking free.
This had been her longest swim. Now, she knew for a fact, the experimental drugs had caused her lungs to grow. She could spend hours underwater without added oxygen. Her fate as a mermaid was sealed.
Image credit: Pixabay.com
I’ve written this piece of flash fiction for the writing challenge at Carrotranch.com. Here is the September 14, 2017, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a riptide. How can it be used to move a story? It could be a stretch of turbulent water or a pull of another kind. Go where the prompt leads even if you find it unexpected.
Respond by September 19, 2017, to be included in the compilation (published September 20). Rules are here. All writers are welcome!
Thanks for stopping by! <3
August Specific Form: Yvette
August Photo Prompt: Reena
August Theme Prompt: Sarah
Love this! So concise, yet telling a complete story 🙂
Thank you. The original story was 999 words long! I had to really figure out how to chop it. My first try at flash fiction. 😀 <3
Wow, that is amazing, that you whittled it from over 900 words! Great job!
LOL! It was tough. I was surprised the gist of the story remained. Thanks. ☺️
Yes, the gist remained, most interesting!
I love this, Colleen. It gave me goosebumps. <3 Do I see mermaids in your future author-pate as well as fairies? Hugs on the wing!
LOL! This was my first try at flash fiction. Actually, I’m writing a book with Wendy Anne Darling – short stories and poetry called: Fairies, Myths, and Magic. I have all kinds of magical things up my sleeve. I’m glad you liked it. Hugs on the wing. <3
Fabulous story, Colleen – so much told in so few words.
Thanks, Mary. I worked on it for two days! LOL. My first try was 999 words. It was hard to chop, but really fun to write. <3
Great story.
Thank you, kindly.
You edit down quite well, Colleen…this was a great story. And once again, left me longing for the ocean. I need to get to the shore !
Hi, Van. It was a challenge to get it to this place. Thank you. ☺️
Wow this is terrific Colleen, great piece if flash. 🙂
It’s rather Haiku-ish. I like it. ☺️
Excellent response to this word Colleen….enjoyed your take on it.
Thanks, Michael. ☺️
absolutely beautiful 💜
Thank you. It felt Haiku-ish in its brevity. ☺️
🤗💗💗
🤗💗💗 my Dad always said brevity in everything. 🤗
It does have its place. 😀
🌹💜💗
Drew me in… held me there. Keep it coming!
Woo hoo! Thanks. My first. ☺️
You definitely have a way with words, I wanted to be in that water !
Why, thank you. That was my hope that when you read it you could feel it. 😀 <3
Wow, what a great idea to turn into a mermaid… and not the other way around!
Thanks, Erika. Wasn’t that fun? I love the magical realm… so many possibilities. 😀 <3
That would be so cool! Playing with the dolphins 💖
A water nymph might get lonely though… 😉
That may be 😁
Great job, Colleen–especially for you first try at flash fiction!
Lots of riptides about now–maybe mermaids, too. 😉
Thanks, Merril. It’s all in your perspective, I think. If you believe in magic you will see magical things. 😀 <3
🙂
Well done, Colleen, I love how you turned Devin into a mermaid 🙂
Thanks, Judy. I just can’t stop writing magic! LOL! <3
Keep it coming, Colleen, I love it! 🙂
Thanks, Judy. I do love to escape to my fantasy world. 😀
Fantastic and Fantastical!
Thank you for reading. 😀
Beautiful nugget of a story, Colleen.
Thanks, Viva. I had to write it at a normal length first and then go back and edit it down to the 99 words. It was a fun challenge to see if I could get my point across and still have a story! 😀 Thanks for reading. <3
Well you did a good job of sifting through your words and finding the gold. I wasn’t far off when I called your 99 words a nugget.
Love this Didn’t see that end coming! Great twist!
Thanks. Now, you’ve made my day! <3
Glad that I did! 🙂
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Love this, Colleen. xxx
Thanks, Adele. I got sucked into the riptide of magic, I think! 😀
That is a wonderful sentence, keep it and use it. xxx
I’m pleased you joined in Colleen. Oh, for life as a mermaid. We’d be all at sea.
LOL! I imagine it a rather lonely existence. 😉
I love this, Colleen. A great ending.
Thanks, Robbie. It was a fun exercise for sure! 😀
Wow! I loved this, Colleen. The ending caught me off guard. Love and hugs.
Thanks, Michelle. I did have fun writing this! <3
Lovely twist!
Thanks, Vivian. These are really fun. You should try. (wink, wink) 😉
I did indeed! Riptide prompt:
https://smellthecoffeeweb.blog/2017/09/17/his-last-supper/
Great read! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed. 😀
Great story and wow on the challenge of exactly 99 words.
/thumbs up
Thank you. I find these quite addicting! 😀