Mindful Monday – Friendship and Love – By Erika Kind

Welcome to Mindful Monday! Each week I try to self-discover new things about myself. I have found that being mindful encompasses the act of being watchful, aware, wary, heedful, alert, careful, or attentive, in whatever area in my life I feel it applies to.

This week, and the first Monday of each month going forward, I have dedicated to your Mindful Monday Guest Posts. I want to share all the excitement about mindfulness so others can enjoy the buzz in the community. I share all of my posts about mindfulness on Pinterest. That is another source of inspiration that you can visit at your leisure.

Erika and I enjoy our blogging time together!

Today, I would like to introduce you to my dear friend, Erika Kind, who accepted my invitation to write a guest post without a single hesitation! That is a true friend! Thank you, Erika. Please visit her blog, Author Erika Kind, to learn more about her. She says:

Hi, I am Erika! I was born in Vienna but grew up in another part of Austria and in the Principality of Liechtenstein (within the Swiss alps) where I still live.  I am running a Practice for Aromatherapy and Self-Development. I am a singer and author. In order to share my wonderful insights I wrote I’m Free – Awareness of Who You Are by Discovering Who You Are Not!

When Colleen asked me to write a guest post for her Mindful Monday I could not resist a moment to agree! Colleen is one of my most inspiring buddies here on WordPress. I can say from my heart that within only weeks or even days she has become a dear and close friend. Therefore, her request for a guest post most honors me. Thank you, Colleen!

But it was not that easy to find a topic to write about which would do her and her blog credit. I thought what would be more mindful and linking to our friendship but simply writing about that: Friendship!

Friendship like love has so many definitions. Although love is the base of both there are some essential differences in experiencing them. Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia about friendship: …the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.

A lot of thoughts rushed into my mind when this topic showed up. For example:

We can have many friendships at the same time which last for years or even a lifetime. In contrast: A love relationship basically involves only one person at a time which can happen several times. Each time lasts a short or longer period. A lifelong love can only happen with one single person.

Why does it seem friendships are so much more stable than a love relationship although the feelings between the persons seem so much stronger? Why is there little fighting in a friendship? Often we find a deep hurt like a physical or mental violence in a “loving” partnership.

What I have written below is not backed up by complete scientific research. Those are points which came to my mind. For sure there is much more about it. I also don’t want to define love or friendship in any way because it simply is impossible. Every relationship is unique and an individual connection between two individuals. Just some inspirations:

Authenticity:

In a friendship, you show your true colors from the beginning by what makes the persons authentic. At the beginning of a love affair, we are trying to show the best parts of our nature. Sometimes we might even try to impress the other person in telling things we guess or know he or she likes to hear although we might feel different. When the relationship goes on the two people constantly return to their needs instead of pampering the other person. If there is too much fake in the beginning it is too much of an effort to keep that up over time and it simply is not fulfilling. In the end, we all want to be loved for who we are and not for who we pretended to be.

The physical part:


In a friendship, physical appearance is not interesting and mostly not even perceived. It is a connection by same ideas, same ideals, and same interests. In a love relationship, the physical has more priority as part of the whole concept. Attraction happens through the intellect but also in addition the outer appearance has a big impact. Sometimes even the outer appearance is the crucial link. That can be helpful to get aware of a person but can also be a factor of mixing up love with physical attraction.

Expectations:


What do I expect of my friend? Honesty and Loyalty! Is there more? NO!!! If this is given with a person I feel connected to than this friendship is rock solid.

But what about love? Are we fine with only being honest and loyal to each other? Don’t we expect to hear, see, and feel how that the other person still loves us? Don’t we want to make sure the other person knows how much we still love him or her? Anniversary celebrations are important to many of us in a partnership or marriage. But do we remember the day we met our best friend? Love wants so much more attention. Love wants to be fostered. And when it really is love, then both love to celebrate their love. But friendship is happy with the simple knowledge that there is someone there, no matter when, and no matter what.

Exchange:


Real friends don’t need to see or hear each other daily, weekly or on a regular basis. They are connected by their core which doesn’t really change. Therefore, they can meet again after years and simply continue where they stopped as if there were no time between. But a close relationship based on love goes into much more details.

Love wants to understand the person in every detail and wants to be understood. People change and develop in many ways within days, weeks, months, and years, inspired by life. This might have an impact on their daily life and the person they spend their daily life with. In order to stay up to date and not lose touch the need to share what they carry inside and need to be interested in what the other person carries inside. If they don’t, they might lose touch and not understand each other anymore after a while. That doesn’t mean that they have to text, call, and talk every day for hours. It only means to share their feelings, inspirations, visions in order to keep connected depending on their individual relationship.

“I tell you everything…”


If I was asked if I told my best friend everything, I would instantly say: YES, I do! As far as I know she knows everything. If there is something missing then it wasn’t deliberate. I have to say there is nothing disturbing for me regarding my best friend. She is honest and I can rely on her blindly. Whatever sorrow, idea, plan, vision, frustration, and issue I have, she knows. I have nothing to complain about her.

But that is not always this easy within a partnership. One important difference in telling everything is, that whatever I tell my best friend about my life doesn’t have an impact on her life or our friendship but might definitely have an impact to my spouse and our relationship.

We don’t want to hurt the feelings of the other one but we also want to be understood… a difficult situation when we rather don’t say what we feel and interrupt the exchange.

How to sum it all up??? I can only say that friendship is a lot less complicated than love unless we try to see ourselves through the eyes of the other person.

I would say that in general love is the more exciting but more of a teaching element about ourselves while friendship is the place we can recover. What do you think?

In Love and Light! Erika

Erika and I want to know: What are your mindful goals this week?

Remember, this is not a challenge.  This is an offering of support.  If you would like to join in with your own Mindful Monday goals you can do so in the comments, or on a separate post of your own making.  If you want to link back to my post, please feel free to do so, however, it is not necessary.  My main objective here is to give and get support to become more mindful of the things I take for granted in my life.

We wish you all peace and joy this week!

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66 thoughts on “Mindful Monday – Friendship and Love – By Erika Kind

  1. Thank you Colleen for your as usual joyous blog. Thanks also for the personal views of Erika who has captured her subject quite well. I have had many transient friendships or acquaintances but only one friend of nearly 40 years. I daren’t lose him as he knows too many secrets.Though I’ve known him longer than I knew my wife, the relationship was totally different between the friendship and love though love is certainly a big part of friendship.
    Thanks to you both.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. David, what a heartfelt message. Thank you so much. I have one friend like that too, however, as she ages I find that we are not as close as we once were. Sometimes people change, I fear. I enjoy all of my acquaintances too. We were in the military for many years and lost touch with so many friends. We still have a few around. My best friend is still my sweet husband, Ron. He has put up with me for over 30 years so you know he is special. Erika has become a dear friend and I am excited that I might get to meet her this fall when she comes to America. I find that I feel a closeness to many of the bloggers I have begun to know through their writing. Words speak volumes. Thanks for being such a nice friend. I appreciate that.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you David, for sharing your own experiences on this subject. There is so much about love and friendship. You are right, friendship should be a part of love and love is definitely the base for both kinds of relationships. Thank you again, David!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess it depends on what you are looking for. Physical love? Friendship can be a comfortable place to be. Sometimes in relationships, if you give it time, it grows into a more physical love. My experience is that as you get older friendships and love comingle and blur together. Frankly, I don’t believe there can ever be too much friendship. True love is always based on friendship first, physical love second, and time, lots of time. ❤

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Thanks Colleen for sharing such insightful thoughts! Of course anyone who knows the meaning of true love will never be focused on physical side of it. I agree with you that ‘friendships and love comingle and blur together’.

        My previous comment has repetition of ‘to have to have’ :)

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  2. Yay…Love it when 2 favorite bloggers can be found at the same place and time. And that graphic of you both on the beach…Priceless.

    Such a sensitive and insightful treatment of the topic, Erika. I wouldn’t expect anything less. I have left friends in so many different geographies over the years, and there is an instant connection when I get to see/speak to them again, no matter how many years have passed.

    I have known friendship, and I am so grateful. ❤️ Van

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, Van. Thank you for your wonderful comments. Erika is a special friend. We have made plans to meet each other (hopefully) this fall! I must take a picture of the two of us together to show everyone. I love that you understand that connection part of friendship, Van. I feel the same way. Whenever you get together, you are able to pick up just where you left off last time. I can tell you are a true friend to your friends. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you, Van! Your words are making me smile. Colleen is an angel! She inspired me to go into bitstrips… It’s so funny to have our comics sitting on the beach! Thank you for your comment on the post, Van. Of course there is so much more about love and friendship. But it is great that you experienced frienship similar.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, Colleen! What an awesome post you made out of this! It is such an honor for me that you asked me for this guest post. It is not only fun having a project with you but also living actively a wonderful connection. Thank you!
    The bistrips are so cool! I cannot wait until I can chill with you like that! We have to make photos in the same positions… lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Erika, we will surely take many pictures together when we finally meet. I am excited and looking forward to the chance. You wrote such a lovely insightful piece about love and friendship. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am honored that you accepted! Sending much love and joy to you this week. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, Colleen! I am just so thankful for you… what more can I say! Of course I accepted! I feel honored and humbled that you considered me for a guest post. Big hugs and much love to you!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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          1. Great!!! It might be that! But I will make that clear in a few weeks and clarify all the travelling details like airport, rentel car…

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    1. Thank you, Erika, for sharing such deep and insightful thoughts about love and friendship. I am happy and thankful that you are my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

        1. As you are to me Erika. I have to tell you. The list came out with the names for hurricanes in the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico. You know, how the tropical storms have names? Erika is on the list! LOL! I hope we don’t have a Hurricane Erika! LOL!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. 😂 Are you kidding me??? That means it would be hurricane number 5, right? Who knows… perhaps they simply know I will show up in October… lol

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          2. Yes, that is right, #5. Hopefully by the time you visit, the chances of storms will be about done. Our hurricane season runs from June 1 – November 1!

            Liked by 1 person

  4. What a wonderful post! A well crafted exploration of love and friendship. I think that it’s a perfect post for a Mindful Monday. Friendships are often taken for granted, and we often don’t appreciate them until they’re ruptured.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Rob. I was touched that Erika accepted my invitation and then wrote such a beautiful piece about love and friendship. A few years ago I lost a friend that I had for over 20 years. We both had grown apart and changed in our life ideals. It was a sad parting, but at the same time it was a liberation for me. I had not realized that I was the one that had held it all together and gave my all. Sometimes that is how it ends up. One gives and the other takes. I still think of her but not with the fondness I once had for her.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I experienced something similar. I had to detach myself from an unhealthy friendship in which I felt only used at the end. I know my friend did not mean it. But it turned out that way. I did not quit the friendship but I am not the one anymore “holding it together”.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. My friend is the one who quit me. I should have walked away years ago from the situation, but I didn’t. We had outgrown our friendship years ago. I think I stayed around because I felt bad for her. In the end, she used me. I let her though, so I learned a valuable lesson.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Wow, that must have been a very hard lesson. I can understand that you did not want to see that things (or your friend) have changed. Sometimes we try to pretend that everything can be the way it was… Hard in the end when we find out there is no way and we lived an illusion we believed in.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Time gives as the necessary distance to see step back and look at everything from a higher perspective. In the end it is always OK, how things are going.
            It is interesting. we meet people and feel so close. Over time it turns out that we only had to meet for certain lessons.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. Very interesting reflections. Not sure everybody’s experience of each is the same. In general it’s perhaps true that friendship is less egotistical but not sure that’s the case for everybody. And of course things might move on from one to the other in some cases. Thanks so much. Great to have you here Erika.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Olga. Yes, I agree. Everyone experiences friendship and love differently colored by their own perceptions. I like the idea of being mindful of our relationships though. It is easy to take advantage of our loved ones. It all goes hand in hand with respect and allowing the other person to grow and change, and still liking or loving them in the end. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Olga! That’s right, friendship can have many faces. I guess it also depends if both parts are “on the same level”. If one uses a friendship to have a slave than the whole thing is different. But that is actually not what I would call friendship. Thanks for the input!!!

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  6. How could I say? This help me think about how mindfulness and love can support each other.
    There is no such thing higher than friendship. it is the bond that is unbreakable. The more you notice the good things you and your friends do together, the stronger the bond is. Moreover, mindfulness help you and your friend synchronise in feelings and actions too.

    Let me quote from Osho – I don’t say God is love, I say love is God.

    I come back finally. Thank you for Erika and Colleen tagging team for this post. ; )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, Jade. Glad to see you back. I agree with your observations about love and friendship too. It all depends on how we look at it. I think it is great to be mindful about our relationships. It is easy to take advantage of our loved ones and friends. Best to pay attention to how we act around others and show appreciation for the love and respect we receive. It was great working with Erika. Would you like to write a guest post for Mindful Monday? Just let me know.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi, Melissa. It is so important to always treat each other with respect and love, no matter if they are a friend or lover. Thanks for stopping by! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Melissa, thank you! That is the best compliment ever and exactly how I want everyone to feel when they visit. My blog is like my home away from home. Thank you for making it so special. ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Colleen, sorry I had posted the post twice as I did not see that I had scheduled it. Wow how much work for nothing. But I deleted the second version with your comment as I liked the first one better as it has more pictures. Ah, life is hard sometimes and maybe I should have been a bit more mindful 🙂

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    1. No problem, Bee. I am just happy that all of this great information fun through your mind! Thanks so much for sharing!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Erika will have to reply to you because my German is bad. 🙂 It looks like all is good and all my best! Thanks and the same to you. ❤

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  8. Hi Colleen and Erika! I thoroughly enjoyed and learned from Erika’s guest post on friendship… You really brought up such interesting comparisons between romantic relationships and friendship …the two have aspects in common yet are still different… As I read, I found myself analyzing my own relationships… This was a very insightful and mindful post! Thanks to you both!

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    1. Hi Lia, thank you so much for enjoying Erika’s post on friendship and love. It is interesting how many times the edges blur together when we experience both so differently. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like how you’ve written “the edges blur together”…that’s a perfect way to describe the two types of relationships!
        Cheers and enjoy the rest of the evening!
        *Lia

        Liked by 1 person

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